Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I got chris browned last night
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
