she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
