i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
