dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
