I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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