guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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