dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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