i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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