he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
