We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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