fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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