If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
