Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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