you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
