i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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