she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize