i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
