I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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