I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
