sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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