I cockslap morals
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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