So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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