Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
