you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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