If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
