that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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