Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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