Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
