Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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