I am midnight drunk by noon
How's work?
Spinning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
