Dude my mom stole all your condoms
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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