we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
