You just made me feel so damn special
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
