Little spoons don't ask big questions
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
