her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
