just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
