so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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