Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
