Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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