I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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