I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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