i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize