I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
