I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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