He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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