Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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