ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize