My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
