my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
