MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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