Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize