So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
