I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
