Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
