What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
