Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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