A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
