Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
