oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Couch. On fire.
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