This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
