Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
