I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
