swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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