Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
