when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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