i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i barfeds in our rink
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
