Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
