He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
