I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize