just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
