maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
