well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
