Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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