my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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