so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
