Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
