after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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